


here in heaven

by hobbitheichou (midnightstarlight)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Afterlife, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-23
Updated: 2015-03-23
Packaged: 2018-03-19 06:08:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3599238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightstarlight/pseuds/hobbitheichou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He’s lost.</p>
<p>He knows it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	here in heaven

**Author's Note:**

> my work for Rivetra Week Bonus Day 8: Lost!

He’s lost.

He knows it.

He’s not supposed to be here, in this beautiful shining city of gold and white and glory.

He’s supposed to be down in hell, where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth. Where sulfur is in the air you breathe and rivers of fire flow down from mountains made of death and destruction.

Yet here he is.

In heaven.

This isn’t a place for someone like him. He has killed and sinned his way through life. He was a horrible, horrible man – men, and women too if he is to be perfectly honest, that he has tormented and killed are here.

If this is some kind of a joke, then it isn’t funny.

He knows what he deserves.

And he doesn’t deserve heaven as much as he didn’t deserve her back on earth.

* * *

  
A boy with blonde hair in a ponytail and blue eyes behind framed glasses welcomes him, and the first thing he says to him is _I don’t belong here._

The boy quirks an eyebrow at him and he tells him every evil deed, every _loathsome_ thing he’s ever done on earth and why he doesn’t belong here in heaven.

"You’re one of the unfortunate ones then. I’m sorry. Most of us here don’t even remember our names, let alone our lives on Earth."

"What are you talking about? I just told you I belong in hell and not here in your bright and sparkling city," he wants to lash out at him, scream the rage he’s not feeling. He knows he’s supposed to feel anger because of this but somehow, all he feels is peace and confusion - which is a little unnerving since he has lived all his life fueled by hate and anger. But only until her met her, when his life slowly turned from a monochrome to a kaleidoscope of things he never dreamed of experiencing,

The boy smiles at him, “Maybe you do, and maybe you don’t. But either way, you are here and you should be happy. Whatever you did on earth doesn’t matter anymore. The worst is behind us.”

* * *

  
There is an ocean here, believe it or not, and it has become his favorite place. He sits on a smoothened stone, the cool water lapping at his heels. The boy frequently spends time with him. He is a very curious little fellow, often asking him about what it was like back on earth, avoiding questions that would require him to talk about his life.

At first he was a little upset about the boy’s never ending questions, but his presence is uplifting and when he tells him that earth isn’t really that much different than heaven – except that everything here is good and just and beautiful – his eyes light up like hers and he wonders if he will ever see her here, in this perfect city.

* * *

  
There was a time when he was tracing her name on sand and he heard his name being called.

His turns his head and he sees his childhood friend – the one he thought he’s lost so long ago, the one sold as a sex slave to an old fat man in Sina.

They were three.

One sold as a slave, two trained as assassins.

One killed herself, one killed by the other.

She tackles him, “It’s good to see you here, big bro! I knew you’d be here.”

_Me, too, Isabel._

* * *

He doesn’t know how much time has passed. But slowly, ever soslowly, he begins to forget about his life on earth. It both saddens and relieves him. He wants to forget all of the unforgivable things he’s done, but he doesn’t want to forget her.

This must have been what happened to the others here – at first you remember and then you forget. Leaving you no memories of your life on earth, not even the ones that made you happy.

He tries to fight it at first, not letting it take away her memory. Always he would write her name on sand, always he would whisper her name to the wind – for it is the last of her he has left.

There came a time when he was by the ocean, watching Isabel and the boy make necklaces out of seashells. He can’t recall much of his life now, only his name, although he is the not quite sure why he was writing the letting P and not the letter L on the damp sand.

* * *

 

Once, he found Isabel by the riverbanks, half of her long red hair in a braid.

"Big bro!" Isabel bounced up to give him a hug. The woman beside her turned and sunlight turned her hair to gold.

His heart pounded in his chest. Memories of her came flooding in - her laugh, her scent, her touch, the sound of his name from her lips. In his head, he saw Kenny laughing, Farlan pointing the gun against his head. He heard the gun firing off, he saw her crumple to the floor. He saw the blood.

_Her name._

_Oh God, what is her name?_

"Hello," she smiles at him, radiant and beautiful, and then he knew.

For how could he forget?

_Petra Ral._

 


End file.
